Sunday, part three out of three (17 minute read)

The next day looks promising. It starts with me being on time, just on time, but on time.

When I enter the workshops room frog girl immediately jumps me and asks me to do the tantric sexuality with her. I’m relieved but also a bit scared. I could ask another girl somewhere maybe but I don’t know who.

Somehow we have lunch first or it could be that I don’t remember the first workshop but my friend Tamàs and two of the blondes are sitting with us, I feel great that frog girl is with us now. I didn’t tell either of them that I kissed the others because that would be far more damaging than reassuring in this situation, I tell myself. I also don’t see the point. None of them needed reassurance and telling would only remove the magic. It didn’t even come up because that’s one of the good things pickup made me unlearn. It’s not what they teach you but it’s something that I learned regardless.

Tamàs however, does say something. He had rejected frog girl on Friday. I remember he had told me that it felt weird for him to reject someone but it didn’t feel okay not to.
I hadn’t felt much about it. Neither was there a bell ringing when frog girl had asked me if Tamàs and me had discussed her. I replied to her that we, pickup artists, generally don’t discuss girls because there are so many in our lives. That culture was there between us too, even though Tamàs isn’t the usual pickup artist at all.

This lunch is interesting. I like the openness of the people and I use the opportunity to ask threesome girl if she ever had ditched a guy that she didn’t feel good with but was very attracted to at first. Yes, she has. And then I ask her if she would have thought that giving him another chance could have changed the entire outcome of the relationship. That her fear could have been overcome. Or something along those lines.
I always used to try to save my relationships like this, turning myself almost in a persistent stalker. That was long before I started to learn how to pick up girls and a question I just want to ask again after seven years, because I’m not running away from it anymore now, pretending I’m a guy that’s hard to get and cold as stone.
She doesn’t know what to answer.

But here I am, with the same taste of what my ex girlfriends had in their mouths. I have the choice to beat myself up over the fact that a former ‘student’ rejected my ‘target’ and that I’m ‘lower value’ now by being with her.
Or I could cherish the moments we had together and enjoy her like I would like to advise my ex girlfriends to do with me. It feels stupid to follow your gut feeling if it’s just based on a first impression. There is so much more to discover.

Later, I have the deep talk with panda girl that I mentioned earlier when explaining the event the other day when the men lay down in front of the women.
I ask her about what happened inside her. When some men lay down.
It was amazing and emotional but when they all lay down she couldn’t hold her tears anymore. It was like a burden off her shoulders. All these men in her life hitting on her and being fake and dominant. I can only imagine what if feels like to be a pretty woman but this talk gave me insight of the trail of misery pickup creates. It’s collateral damage of egoist endeavors. Some women like dominance but to treat all women like that has nothing to do with connecting. Connection feels like a scam in the pickup industry now. It sooner just disconnects you from yourself which makes true connection with others only harder. I feel this young woman.

Frog girl is holding my head while I connect with panda girl and it makes me feel like a hippy.

We carry on.

I will do the tantric sex with frog girl and it starts with massaging each other. I start.

The men are told to direct the woman in all kinds of positions and we have to do it gently and slow. It takes a bit of effort at some point because I want to do the figures perfectly and I don’t want to press hard somewhere on her body while doing so. It makes it hard to hold my balance but I manage.
Then at some point I can put my finger on her clitoris and hold it there without moving my finger, but do something with my other hand. From holding her head to holding it above her heart space. I do my best because I don’t want to let her down.
But I totally screw up by letting myself down. I’m panting like a dog that just got a ball out of the water and totally disconnect with her breathing.
Take care of yourself first. Rule number one. You cannot love anyone if you do not love yourself first. Make yourself comfortable. This is a lesson that frog girl will later remind me of and this knowledge and her honesty about her not enjoying it totally make this exercise well worth it.
But she enjoys the showdown nevertheless. She’s obviously very experienced with this. And now it’s my turn.

I know what to expect but I can not really relax and enjoy. I don’t feel anything. I guess I still need some skin contact and some friction.

Our next job is to do something really special. I think this is the one everyone was anticipating

for. The third day had to involve some nudity at least. Not that there wasn’t before but this one involved all the women being topless, except for a handful. Maybe some women are here to conquer some shame towards men because frog girl told me that on Saturday when the women were preparing to see the men they were all completely naked as opposed to just two of the men. And this event hosted more then a hundred people. Food for thought.

I’m facing the windows where I had lunch earlier that day. My eyes are closed. Men are left and right of me, in a huge line. Our arms are high in the sky. Like we did before meeting the women, to feel our pain. We are vulnerable.

Almost all the women are walking around topless, also with their arms up. They are to choose a man.
This rejection potency makes it really an exercise because now you can not hide in some comfort zone. You’re either chosen by someone you like, or you’re not.
It takes a while before there is even anyone looking at me. The man on the left of me has an average looking women in front if him. I can see her in my peripheral view but I don’t dare to look at her and her nudity directly.
I also don’t know what the men around me that are almost touching me look like. I don’t look at them.
Then I see icecube-nipple girl in front of me. Her nipples are soft but her breast are tight and they’re fully bared. She looks vulnerable, both physically and mentally. Her face is as cold as her new nickname.
She reminds me of a ballerina. So fragile.
She looks at me and then to the man next to me. I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. Not even a hint of his age but I’m guessing he’s much older then me. She looks back at me, and again back at him.
What is she doing? Is she hesitating or is she comforting us? It feels very exciting for me. I want her, I love her looks. She’s so pretty and she had been slightly distant, or at least in my mind. I would love to connect with her deeper.

She looks at the other man and then at me again. Taking a small step in my direction and positioning herself straight in front of me with an ever cold face. But now I notice she looks slightly sad too and I tell myself that she’s probably the sweetest creature that didn’t want to upset the other man. I almost feel bad for him when he gets one of the last women but he is someone without a face, so I don’t.

It could have been me with an old woman that I don’t desire at all. And I think that would have made the exercise less powerful for me because what happened next was one of the best moments in my life. Here goes:

So now that everyone is lined up against the opposite sex with their arms up and clothes down we are told to breathe in while taking a small step forward towards each other.
Then breathe out while taking a step back. The masculine and feminine are now in rapport. We breathe simultaneously and meet each other while doing so. It feels so safe to look icecube nipple in the eyes. She’s so innocent now.
She has the face of a girl that I would most likely consider out of my league, maybe because of her slightly arrogant looking “neutral face”. She would surely put me in hunting mode or at least my best mode when meeting her somewhere else. Now there is none of that. She chose me and she surrenders. There is an innocent girl gazing in my eyes. As we keep breathing and breathing our bodies come closer to each other. Every millimeter counts now and gets my heart racing. This feels unreal and it’s like there is a god and he tells me that this is what awaits me if I finally surrender. There is no need for all of this, you see? Here she is, in all her purity, the woman I created for you. You are one of the same, designed to be connected and be together. I look in her soul through her eyes and my lip starts to tremble. We still take steps forward and backward as we breathe. If I had any doubts about still wanting to do pickup, this event evaporated them. The creature before me is perfect and I’m also perfect. Why would I tinker on myself so much if all I need to do is just to open my heart and lay it bare for other perfect souls to pick it up. She looks very sad at me and I know she feels something similar. I have an idea what it is and I expect it to be something similar as panda girl. As we approach each other one more time and our noses almost touch I just feel so acknowledged that I sneeze some tears out. I feel so embarrassed but she keeps her sad gaze on me and keeps the rhythm of our movement and doesn’t lose our connection.
After the exercise we lose sight and don’t talk with each other anymore. We don’t stay in touch and I don’t even know her real name. It’s okay.

After this intense moment the men are to sit on pillows all lined up. This order in the chaos of feelings make this a pretty memorable experience. It gets even worse when the women are to stand next to us with their vagina’s against our heads. Frog girl presses her pussy against my head but it feels weird. The women are now allowed to take of all their clothes. I glance at one woman but she is too far away and its too dark to see much.

I don’t find it very strange that only couples are allowed to go naked. It’s understandable. It takes a while but I feel that Froggy is really loving it. She starts to tremble a bit but at some point she has to stop because the women are going to the next person. Oh my. The couples don’t switch partners and I don’t have a clue of who is behind me now.
I feel a nice big pair of outer labia pressed firmly around my head and it turns me on. The woman almost immediately cries out her, what sounds like orgasms when we are about to start. Her panties are thin and she trembles and caresses my head slightly with her fingertips. Her voice sounds young. This is very weird for me but also very sexy. I have no idea who she is. And as the women are sent back to the first partner I quickly glance up and make eye contact with the woman. She looks at me and thanks me without actually saying the words. I do the same to her.

Now Froggy and the other women are to sit in front of the men and the men are to lie down in between their legs, face down. Like yesterday. I have major trouble finding a comfortable position because either my chin gets the weight or my nose gets squished. I finally find a way to put my nose in between two pillows and I can relax. My head is touching frog girl’s vagina.
This is so strange and I don’t feel anything. I’m just thinking about the naked women and why my head is down so I can’t see them. But then I hear the woman leading the exercises saying that this is going to be very intense.
I’m clueless.
If the teachers say this and my emotional mind already has trouble dancing in between some men that are having fun while the teacher just says, “dance if you feel like it”, this could be intense indeed.
Frog girl suddenly seems to orgasm. She pants loudly like many other women. It’s so funny. Their hands are not touching their vagina’s and neither are our heads. A friend of mine told me it was possible to orgasm without touch and he often did it but needed practice. To hear so many women pant and moan sounds unreal.

This is some sneaky stuff because I don’t remember what happened next. It was something along the lines of this:

Froggy and me are lying on our sides next to each other and look each other in the eyes while holding each other. I see her smile. She looks at me grateful and I smile at her. I’m happy I have gotten to know her. She understands me. She’s intelligent and tried to help me get rid of my hunting addiction. I feel sincerity coming from her now. Earlier I had hesitated about her but now I just see a beautiful person. I think the exercise with ice-cube girl really made me look at women differently as a whole and this is the first lucky woman I’m meeting. I’m free now. There is no need for that other stuff. I can clearly see it but I don’t understand why the pillow where my head is on is completely wet with my tears. Even my hair is wet. I feel so happy and look at Froggy, my new best friend. She still smiles at me and I smile at her. She’s looking seriously but content with a facial expression of a meditating Buddha. But her eyes don’t leave my gaze. The connection is strong and I’m sure we are both feeling the same things. I look at her and I think about stuff I can’t even remotely make sense of and start crying again. This time she also starts crying and we paint the big leather pillow in our tears with big dark spots. We hold each other tight and many people are already walking around us, removing their pillows and makeshift beds from the
ground. It’s not time for us yet to stand up though. As we keep intertwined in each other’s grasp we lay there, all fine, present. Our smiles turn to laughter and we start to laugh harder and harder. Making fun of our tears and laughing so loud that I’m thinking we must be nuts for having our heads so close to each other but letting emotions flow so richly, and in sync with each other, completely. Most people are walking around us and getting food, almost stepping over us. But our energy matches totally. We are so close to each other that her face turns into some cute critter’s. A phenomenon I first witnessed with my first girlfriend when I was 17. She had freckles so maybe thats why I love them so much. Or maybe because my mom has them.
It’s basically when your eyes are so close and you look at each other down the face that the eyes look as big as a baby animal’s. She’s so innocent and I feel so accepted and loved. I’m not sad at all but I start crying again. Again hard, and a lot. The salt from my tears is probably going to affect the quality of the leather at some point.
This is the best end of a festival that’s meant to heal people.

One last exercise awaits us. I’m in a group with two random guys and a girl. We had to walk around and when the teacher said stop we had to sit and the people around you were the ones you would tell your weekend stories to. The point is to be quiet and listen. No replying. Just listening, by all means.
We share our experiences.

One of the guys starts. It’s a bit scary to begin and I’m glad it’s not me because I have no idea what to say and I kind of want to impress the others to be honest.
He says he’s shy to have come here alone but he’s happy he has done it. He traveled alone all the way from Denmark and was scared to stay with a lonely feeling at the event. I feel a bit sorry for him somehow, or maybe I should say compassion because I sense mixed feelings coming from him. He sometimes makes a little bit of eye contact.

Then it’s my turn. I’m quiet for a long time because I don’t know what to say. Eventually I just say that and then the rest comes out. I’m scared to offend people about polyamory, even here. I tell them that and I tell them that I learned that monogamy isn’t bad because the truth doesn’t exist. That this is one of my biggest frustrations. They look at me as if they just do the exercise. I was disappointed in some of the teachers. And I kind of feel that it’s sometimes hard to teach people about polyamory. I sometimes feel like I question my motives up until the point of insanity.

The girl explains that she feels lonely too and that it’s hard for her to find a partner. She’s been struggling for so long and she’s tired of banging her head against the wall. She starts crying and she now admits that even at this festival she had been dropped by someone after an exercise. And that person was the third guy in our little group. I hold her hand, or maybe I just did it in my imagination. I don’t remember.

The third guy doesn’t look at us. He says it’s too hard.
He starts talking. He seems to have quite some trouble opening up and what he tells us doesn’t really feel like it’s the raw naked him. He’s doing his best though. At some point he says he had no idea that the girl felt hurt by him and that he would love to connect with her after the exercise.

Exactly on time the teacher tells us that the exercise is about to end soon and there will be a break. The girl and the guy start talking to each other and it looks very romantic. The power of this exercise is great and it changed me a little bit. I always had so much trouble being interested in others because my mind seems more busy then other people’s minds.

I also end up connecting with her on Facebook and she tells me she wants to know about polyamory. I feel unnaturally good. This feeling tells me I’m in love with an idea but nonetheless, this exercise really was life-changing.

The last exercise is a very pleasant one. It’s all about sensations. This time I’ll get to properly put food in people’s mouths.

Froggy and me choose each other for this one. We look around for others and see a middle aged looking woman sitting by herself pretty close to us. She is not unattractive and I would gladly touch her. Then an older man asks us if he can join us. He looks like a professor but he has a kind outlook. He looks happy.
I also feel safe with these people. I don’t feel like I’m less attractive then them and it makes me feel relaxed.
The woman also has some nipples poking out. The fabric isn’t even that thin but it’s clearly visible. Her boobs are small and look soft. I like that. Her whole body looks very nice actually and I desire her more and more.
I just hope Froggy isn’t gonna police me. I love how she tries to help me but I don’t see danger in this. I grabbed, or actually invited, and also accepted the first people in sight. Going with the flow.

There is dried pineapple, hmm. I love it. There are dried kiwis, just as nice. There is chocolate. There are strawberries and grapes and even some passion fruit.
There are feathers, very soft ones. And of course blindfolds.

Froggy starts. She tells us we can touch everything. We start playing. She has a big smile on her face. We start slowly and we don’t really go far.
We make her smell different foods and occasionally let her eat some of them.
Then it’s the man’s turn. The women start caressing him and pushing his feet up. That must feel funny and pleasant I tell myself. I decide to also touch him softly with my fingertips. I don’t know what else to do.
When I think back I think I should have been more in the moment. There would have been a better connection, even with the blindfold. But nonetheless he still looks happy.
The smiles on their faces make me feel good.

My turn.

I find it a bit scary to be blindfolded. I’m excited and curious of how my taste and smell will increase and of course I want to know how far the woman will go. When we start my wish is being heeded. They are pretty wild with me!
At some point I’m lifted up in the air by my belt. It’s probably the man. It feels really funny. The chocolate piece in my mouth is way too big but it’s nice to feel that many hands on my body. There is so much happening in my mind. I feel aroused but still have a little bit of trouble relaxing. Who’s who’s hand? I feel people are blowing wind on my body parts and I’m being caressed with the feathers and some piece of cloth. Someone is holding my head in her lap and I get a head massage. I feel different emotions at the same time. Like, but not really like a mushroom trip.
A hand is grabbing my hand and puts it on a pair of small boobies. I can feel the nipples. They are hard. The woman put my hand on herself while I’m blindfolded. How sexy! This turns me on a lot and I’m excited and happy that her turn is after mine.

Her turn.

Not this part she says, while pointing with open hand palms at her crotch. We start with the fruit and caresses.
It’s intense for her and she moans a bit. This time we are all very busy on her. The man is creative but doesn’t seem to do what he wants. More like what he thinks would be okay. Me, on the other hand, spit in my hand palms. Not really of course but I know how to handle her. Especially after the green light she gave me.
I decide to put my face very close to hers. I breathe relaxed. As if I’m experienced with this. To be honest I think this was one of the few moments where I was very confident about what to do. Froggy seems to understand and fully commits to help me turn her on.
It takes a while before the woman notices that my face is almost touching hers.
My scent and breath must very softy be sensible because she first looks a bit hesitant but when I keep my nose just millimeters from hers for just a couple seconds more she starts to pant. This turns me on even more and I start to breath heavier. My dick is rock hard and I can almost smell her wetness. Surely her body is giving visible signs of arousal.
Froggy is caressing her inner thighs and the man is also helping a bit.

When he puts fruit in her mouth I caress her inner thighs with Froggy and we go further towards the yoni. She said not to be caressed there but I do it anyway. I’m so sure about this that I don’t hesitate for a second.
We don’t skip parts of her body and I’m the one leading the feast. Froggy and me both end up kissing her at some point.

After the whole thing the man says we went further then we should have with the same happy grin on his face as he always has.
He thanks us and parts from us. Froggy goes away for a while and I stay with the woman on the pillow where we did the senses exercise. The last speech and thanks for the festival are being given and her and me get closer to each other until we are heavily making out.
After that we relax a bit and I propose her to join Froggy and me to come to my place but she declines. Froggy and me had already decided we had to spend the night together.

Of course frog girl wanted to come to my house after this to stay for the night and of course I told her yes. Even though I’m fasting and I wont have sex with her. I told her that and she said yes, it’s okay.

We don’t kiss that night but we cuddle and talk. We talk and talk more. This woman is very intelligent and mature and interested but especially sexually confident. She will “teach me how to fuck” she says.
We fall asleep and when I wake up at night my dick is as hard as granite. I grab her head and press my dick inside it while mumbling something. She takes it whole in the throat without any gagging. She licks my feet and my ass. That’s something I almost always do when I have new prey in bed but now I’m the one getting it. This is new for me. She wants to tie me up and puts her finger in my ass. I will teach you how to fuck with presence she says.

Froggy is my friend and she supports me. I made leaps of progress with my personal struggles with her in my life, especially after the event.

She came back to the Netherlands weeks after the festival and we still didn’t have sex. Well, for American standards where a blowjob isn’t considered as sex because of Bill Clinton’s affair I really did keep to my fasting period.

Froggy has a way of talking to me that gives me life energy. I suppose she can do this with other people too but it feels great. She sees me worrying and knows exactly what to tell me to cheer me up. She gets mad when she has to but it’s all acts of love.
God I’m thankful I gave her a chance to come into my life. I just hope I can give back. She says I’m there for her too though and that makes me feel like a sane person.