(11 minute read)
To be honest, my own mindset get lost very quickly again. I don’t know what to do. The girl that I started the night with has vanished and I decide to explore a bit.
I get some bright make up and talk with the girl drawing it on my face. We knew each other from the meditation school but it takes at least ten minutes before we find out.
The eye contact with people feels nice and gives me comfort. But as soon as I’m on my own I start to think.
I want to go upstairs where the hot tub and sauna is but the sign says it’s required to wear swimming clothes so I tell myself that we have a sauna at home.
I go sit somewhere and walk around a bit more before I ask a girl that probably was working if I could just take a look. She says ‘of course’. It looks amazing. I’m bringing swim gear next time for sure, I tell myself as I walk back downstairs.
I’m definitely not comfortable when I meet the small girl on the dance floor but she jumps on me and dances. I dance for around five seconds with her and then decide that I’m doing it for her and walk away from her instead. I feel like shit.
Later, when I don’t know where to go I decide to just sit on a couch in the back of the dance floor. I close my eyes.
The thought arises to just go home. But if I do that I have lost. Or maybe I should go home and let go. Maybe this beating myself up is because I’m trying to stay. No, never, I should be able to be comfortable anywhere.
I keep my eyes closed and try to think of nothing.
I don’t feel watched or judged to have my eyes closed on the dance floor. Not in this place. It’s good with my eyes closed and I stay like this for a while. Then some more. At some point I tell myself that I could just as well be sitting like this in the sauna, in my underwear.
I must admit that in the back of my mind I was hoping that there would be some girls and that I could just sit quiet and not be noticed for being quiet.
Not that I got noticed now, but I didn’t feel at ease just sitting there with all happy people around me.
So as I start to walk I meet my new little friend again. She didn’t seem to judge me for being all quiet and all. We talk very little and when I say I am going to the steam cabin she hesitates slightly but comes anyway. She goes to the dressing room with me and we undress. She wears a bikini under her clothes and I go in my underwear. I put my valuables in her purse because I wasn’t really prepared or knowing what to expect when I left the house.
We walk the stairs to the deck which is open air. There are two big wooden tubs with doors in them. One is for swimming and one is the sauna.
As we walk I tell myself that I’m leading her like I used to do with girls in clubs. And that this isn’t going to heal me a lot but what else could I have done? It’s not like I was looking for her. I decided to go to the sauna alone, to look at sexy women and close my eyes a bit. Enjoying their beauty.
Fate was giving me this and that’s how I rationalized being okay with my actions.
So as my new friend opens the door I see six other people in there. One of them was a guy that had done a challenge downstairs with everyone watching. The little girl goes to sit next to him because that’s the only place left. There are two more men that look pretty confident and are talking to two topless girls opposite to them. I go sit next to the skinniest girl. This is amazing.
On my left there are a man and a girl talking to each other in what sounds like English with Scandinavian accent.
My new friend that isn’t shy either mingles with the talking men. I don’t remember feeling jealousy but I also didn’t like that I wasn’t next to her. I loved being next to, what seems to be, in the dense fog, a very pretty topless girl. She is also small and has dark hair. I don’t talk. I don’t feel comfortable.
Thoughts get in my hear like a tornado. I’m shit. I came here to be a pervert between other perverts but everyone is talking to each other. Now what? No, I came here because I had no choice. No, I came here because I’m just enjoying the sauna. That was bullshit. We have a sauna at home, in the shower.
The other topless girl is also very nice. She seems sweet as fuck. She’s a bit taller and has the biggest boobs of them all. She has curly hair and a tanned skin. She doesn’t seem like what society would call a ‘promiscuous’ woman at all.
I know I would have taken my chance in earlier days but I forbid myself to do anything with women for three months.
So I close my eyes. I’m not in a talkative mood at all and to be honest I’m also still grumpy for some reason. I’m mad at myself at that moment for not being social and wanting to be social with men.
With my eyes closed I imagine my little friend to be topless as well and how her young boobies would look. The thought turns me on.
When I open my eyes I see that she is talking to the cool guy from the dance floor and it looks very flirty. He is telling a story about how a tantra workshops work and talks about how the men rub the pussies of the women and then go the the next women. It turns me on too and I’m thinking that this topic is the best ever. One of the men is gone by now and the big talkative guy, obviously the most dominant leads the conversation to more erotic topics. It’s quite obvious. When the girls stand to be warmer and he waves a towel for more heat he jokes that the titties are at perfect height for him or something along those lines. He sucks one of the nipples of both girls for one second in a smooth motion and keeps talking afterwards. I can just close my eyes again. The girl with dark hair, that’s next to me, I touch with my leg.
I’m feeling like a creep but I’m enjoying the touch a lot. I jerked off before coming here so maybe that’s why I’m horny. I’m not a firm believer of the opposite. I’m also excited and shy.
I don’t want to be here but I wouldn’t want to miss what’s happening here either. I would risk my life for it.
I just love the dynamics. This is what I’m dreaming of. My new little blonde friend is surely not repelled by me no matter what I do. Now she goes to the next guy. I like that freedom in women. I learned to embrace that in the nightclubs and with my polyamory wish.
The topless girls are surely feeling wild too and something is about to happen. I can tell.
Then it happens. The girl I’m sitting next to stands up and goes to sit next to the most dominant loud guy. He looks much older then her and after a while he sucks her boobies again. I feel like such a loser. But by this time my little friend has bared her white boobies too and they look very tight with perfect little nipples on them. What a contrast in different emotions inside me.
The Scandinavian couple is long gone by now and I feel like the sixth wheel. Surely someone is going to be alone if I don’t do anything now. The curly haired girl then stands up to puts water onto the coals for more heat. Her tanga is almost non existent. It’s just a string. Could be a shoelace if you ask me. Her ass looks super soft and is well formed and tanned. I position myself behind her with my legs open and gently touch her hip. Instructing her to sit down between my legs, without talking. My dick is rock-hard when she sits on it. I open my legs more until we are comfortable and caress her hair and begin massaging her shoulders.
All others are kissing each other by now. My blonde friend with the cool guy and the little dark haired girl with the alpha guy. I’m getting so horny when I start caressing the soft belly. The lower part of her right boob slightly touch my lower arm. It’s just a fraction and this seems to get us both well aroused. I grab her hips and legs and pinch them with a lot of force with full hand palms. My hands feel big and hard on her body and she moans like the random woman that I had massaged on the dance floor when I pulled her the back of her hair with a full hand.
She puts out a long pretty loud gasp when I start nibbling her ear. I don’t just nib her ear. I slowly squeeze my whole tongue around her ear and suck on it.
Hey, I let myself go a bit there but I’m not going to kiss her. I tell myself this is bad. And this time I mean it. But I love this! This is my biggest wish come true. Why do these things always happen when I’m not prepared for it. I remember I was in a sex club with girlfriend a long time ago when I was just tested for an STD and couldn’t do anything while waiting for the results. The doctor had told me that I couldn’t even take my underwear off near a women because they couldn’t touch me. It was that contagious. I ended up sucking two neatly shaved pussies from random girls I hadn’t even spoken to while my girlfriend was making out with one of them. Only to later see another random guy have sex with one of them. Oh the non neediness… I also remember that if I had a herpes blister on my lip that I would attract a girl if I went out. Oh, I must be sick. Why do I need to be sick to get some action? That’s sick…
So, back to the sauna.
When my new friend and my newest friend make some eye contact I decide to caress the blonde girl on her body too. She keeps kissing the guy that is also sitting behind her. I touch the inside of her thigh and her perky tit. Then the girl inside my legs again. I love the contrast of the different flesh in both my hands and I tell myself that my biggest dream could come true. To make a family with both men and women, young and old. To raise children together and have sex together. I don’t mind the men being around. They know what they are doing and I’m perfectly fine with what could happen next.