(9 minute read)
The girls stand up and walk around. I go into the tub with the blonde girl and the cool guy. They are friendly and I try to mutter something. I tell them, “do you notice sometimes when you have this dream…” then I lose my thought and I can’t finish my sentence. The guy finishes for me, “you’re talking about this?” With a grin on his face. I can’t even reply. I tell him “I guess”.
When everyone went their way I didn’t really like it but I was fine with the outcome either way. I forced myself to be okay but it was surprisingly easy. I told myself I had made many mistakes. I had used my old routine of telling the Scandinavian girl that she’s pretty in Finnish and the men would have condemned it. Hey, I still think in making mistakes you know… And so did they, or else they wouldn’t have condemned me verbally. The alpha guy had said; “it’s okay for saying that, we all make mistakes.” Or something along those lines to try to be nice. Surely their game had been better, fair enough.
Anyway. I’m now back downstairs and meet a female datingcoach I had invited for dinner once but had heavily tested by showing over the top infields. She tells me some RSD guys are downstairs. My friends, a couple of gamers from RSD. It feels weird to even hear that they are here. The RSD method doesn’t belong here, but they are just human, like me, I tell myself. I don’t talk with them and I just sit on a couch again. Alone. Eyes shut.
I desire some female touch. In front of me there are two people lying down and the guy has his fingers in the back of her pants on her ass. On the dance floor there are two people dancing and the man doesn’t look needy and the women doesn’t look defensive. They are fully embraced in a meditative dance. The guy grabs her breasts full on and she receives it with open arms. They touch each other with as many body parts as possible. It’s beautiful to watch.
I decide to walk around a bit. At this time I have one of the girls I touched in the sauna dominate the back of my head because I’m secretly looking for them. I can only find the alpha male and the dark haired which I didn’t feel much sympathy for but still some familiarity. I sit next to them. Nodding my head but not talking. The cushions are huge and it’s very crowded. Everyone is touching and cuddling someone. Most people are quiet. I tell myself it’s okay to be alone. The cool guy arrives and I say hi. I close my eyes for a long time. The blonde girl arrives and sits with hi when I open my eyes.
When I close my eyes I cannot stop thinking about her. I see her face in front of me and she really is gorgeous. Her face is round and her nose is small. Her jawbone wide. It’s like a desire you have for your favorite television actress. And I really crave her now. I want to hold her and never let her go anymore. When I open my eyes again she has changed position and her legs are facing me but I cannot look in between her legs. She has them deftly together and her red dress over her knees. I can just see her lower legs and cute feet.
I look around in the room a bit when our eyes lock again. The eye contact is long. The other couple is still next to me, it turns out they were lovers all along. They just go to swing clubs sometimes. They are talking with each other, not with me. I decide to walk away and go back to the sauna. To clear my head.
When I get there the door is closed and a guy tells me that the last people are just going to get out.
I find my blonde friend on the dance floor and ask her for my stuff. I get her Facebook and give her a hug. We start talking a bit while doing all that and I explain a bit about myself and my behavior. About why I’m here and she is interested just like about the love languages and archetypes at the beginning of the night.
Then we meet the curly tanned girl and both hug her. I get her Facebook too, telling her that I don’t want her number. I feel comfortable now, talking about myself.
The little one wishes me good luck with my thoughts and doubts and when she is gone I ask the curly girl to join me on the cushions to talk. While we walk there, a guy taps me on the shoulder.
It’s a random guy that has seem my latest video and compliments me for it. It feels good. Especially with the girl in my hand.
When I see a spot for us to sit it’s exactly next to the round faced stunner with the red dress. We look at each other slightly as I sit down. The curly girl is being stopped by an old man who hugs her and talks to her while kneeling before her, on my left, as we sit down. The red dressed girl stands up at almost the same time, obviously not expecting me to come talk to her.
Then I automatically reach out my left hand and gently touch her arm, directing her back into her seat, positioning myself close to her glaring into her eyes. Hey face lights up like a sun on a hot day. She bares a humongous smile and we stare at each other for a couple seconds while I’m still holding her.
I whisper more or less that we had great eye contact and that I just want to hug her. She hugs me hard and I hug her just as hard. She smells great and it feels like a dream come true. We stay like that almost a minute. As if we say goodbye to an old friend, it felt that familiar.
Then she says that she really was on her way out to meet her friends and I tell her that she should hurry. And that was it. Never saw her anymore and don’t know her name. I did ask her if she frequented parties like this and it’s quite true that we could meet again.
Later the old man, still talking next to me, gives me a hug and apologizes for the time spent with the curly girl.
As soon as he’s gone I place my head on her lap and start caressing her. This is what I had desired all the time after getting out of the sauna but repressed it as a meditative exercise.
While she caresses my hair she asks me about the the guy that I obviously didn’t know and complimented me, apparently seeing the value in it. Or at least that how I later rationalized it. I love this attention and had craved it from her.
I tell her about my channel and my latest challenge. And she listens to me while trying to massage the tension out of my belly that I have been feeling all night long but only really noticed now.
I love how her flesh and skin feel, how I feel around her and I hope I will see her again too some day, by chance, because I’m not going to text her, that’s why I took her Facebook. It’s time to go now. My jacket is on my lap the whole time and when I put it on and give her a hug she steals a kiss on my mouth. It surprises me. This has never happened before. I tell her that this is wrong and look at her sad and surprised. Then I smile at her and tell her goodbye.