How to say this without offending anyone…
I’m not sure if that’s possible. But I don’t want to offend anyone. Especially about this subject. I offended a lot of monogamous people.
It was a sport for me, almost.
It wasn’t a sport because my pretty much unconscious coping mechanism for a lack of boundaries is to offend people. To get tested about my ideas.
Are they valid enough or am I getting insane?
I’m 32 years old now. I think it’s time to cut away the cancer instead of numbing myself down with consumer based activities and substances. And also ideas that take me out of the present moment. It’s good to have ideas but it’s even better to let them go. Only then will I be able achieve anything. And I won’t need to use these provocative strategies and statements.
I like to shock people and make an impact with words. This is one of the biggest reasons for me to have never removed the word ‘pickup’ out of my video’s and posts. I like to raise consciousness by making people think.
Think about definitions for example.
But it’s a needy way. Why do I need to market something if it’s awesome anyway?
This is what I mean with consumer based life. There is no need for it if what you have to offer is awesome.
There is no need to try to accelerate people’s learning curves by having discussions with them. If all, the only thing reached with that behavior is that people become unhappy with themselves or put off to hang out with you.
It seems to me that making people conscious shouldn’t be someone’s job. It should just be an activity done by the person that just cannot hold back. The pace and consistency doesn’t matter at all. It should be flowing to reach it’s goal.
I’m going to make video’s and write articles just because it’s a calling. I like to say that this job chose me instead of the other way around.
I’m struggling, about many things and that is why I think I can help people.
At this point in my life I have discovered that pickup is a lie.
I knew it for a long time already but I chose to hide from it. I thought I could maneuver around the rotten pieces. I thought I could just put some patches on it but at some point there was no way back for me.
It’s like the apple is gone and just the bandages are left. I don’t see the point anymore. It’s time for radical change.
I consider myself as someone with an open mind and the ability to reflect. It’s scary right now. I’m really vulnerable to hurt myself because my identity seems vanished.
I found an amazing coach and he made me cry for a whole day and the next morning too. The tears in the morning though, were tears of joy and relief.
So much identification with being a datingcoach, with being a drug dealer, with being a daredevil, with being a nice guy, with being French in the Netherlands. With being an artist, with being smarter then my colleagues. Etc.
I knew somewhere what I was doing but I was hiding from it. I can now clearly see. It’s like a beam of light is shining on it and it can never be unseen.
It’s so funny. When I read back on this page that I would never want to stop pickup it becomes even more obvious that I was trying to fight it. Fighting myself.
Right now I hope I made you read something that made sense to you at this point of your life. I cannot do more for you.